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Haha den bästa var ju killen som bröt fingret :)
"No throwaway, booyah.
Short version: Used to have huge curly hair, like Claudio from Coheed or Blake from Workaholics. Went to a party, got fucking hammered along with everyone else, started hooking up and moved to a bedroom, thought I'd go down on her to impress, ended up puking on her downtown area, she sat up and puked directly into my hair. We were so grossed out that we both kept puking. I remember puking into my cupped hands, trying to prevent it from getting everywhere, and trying to throw it out the window, only to realize there was a screen on the window.
It was an absolute fucking disaster."
Kan inte sluta skratta!!
Världens WTF här:
"one day after sex we were watching a movie and she went to the bathroom. When she came back, she cheerfully announced "don't you just love taking a good hard shit?". Not exactly the cutest thing a girl could say, but I laughed. We were cool like that. I didn't think much of it. But then she went on. "I don't know if that's weird or whatever, but... that actually feels really good to me... I like feeling it sliding out of me". I broke out in hysterical laughter. She laughed too. "Wow, you love anal so much you actually like the feeling of turds being in your ass??". When I looked over at her, she was still smiling, but not laughing. She was thinking. My face dropped, and I had a stoner moment of clarity. "Wait... you do...". She blushed. Then we made eye contact. There was silence. She straddled me and started making out with me, jerking me off, breathing heavy into my ear... things got intense quick. She told me what she wanted me to do. And then we did it. It was mostly her. She fingered my asshole in the bathroom, got me to hover over the bathtub and blew me while I took a shit in the tub. She took a condom and rolled it over my turd, tied it off and added another condom. She kept blowing me, and I was shocked yet totally dazed and stoned, and barely grasped what was happening. She laid down on the bathroom floor, took the turd-dildo
and slid it in, then grabbed my arms and pulled me onto her. "Fuck me! Fuck my ass!". And I did. It most the most fucked up thing I ever did, and I never saw that girl again."
JAG DÖR HAHAHAHAHA!!
I was seeing a guy, and one day I went on my computer to find myself signed out of everything. So I checked my history, just to see if he'd covered his tracks. HE HADN'T. What I found wasn't that disturbing, just like pvc and very mild bdsm. I thought 'I'm cool with that,' and kept my mouth shut.
So, I ordered some stripper shoes, a PVC catsuit, soft whips, handcuffs, rope, and a dildo (which I was fully intending on using on myself), set up the living room while he was working, got into my sluttiest mood and waited.
He came home around 6pm and his jaw drops and we get down to it, he starts asking me to hurt him little by little, whipping ass and legs etc. then he wanted me to ride him and punch his in the face and choke him. So I'm sort of thinking this is a little weird, but in for a penny in for a pound, and I accidently bust his nose, so there's blood going everywhere, and he's just like keep going. I gave him a tissue, and he sat up and was saying how into it he was and we should carry on.
So I think I'll give him a little playing with myself show, he's suffered right? No. He wants the dildo in his ass, I'm not comfortable with this but what the hell, so I lube it up and give it to him (noting to myself that he wasn't that tight around the bunghole?)
It is at this point I can hear a key in the front door, who the fuck has a key to our front door? In walk his mother, and three older sisters. While I jump up to find something to cover my PVC covered self, he's tied up bent over the couch, blood everywhere, his mum's face is unbelievable, and as he looks around, the dildo slooowly slides out of his ass.
#Gibblo: Men eller hur!? Tänkte på family guy avsnittet när det är kaos och alla spyr av soppan(eller vad det nu är). XD
"Ok, whatever. I spray some on. SNIFF SNIFF This is perfume. I just perfumed my dick."
Wat da hell :D
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